Welcome one and all.
Voting for the top three in the August CW competition closes in just under three hours at 11.00 p.m. tonight, and whilst we count in the stragglers behind closed doors in the back room, the bar is now open for the customary chit-chat about (almost) anything or (most likely) nothing.
1) The following topics are not up for discussion and offenders will be asked to leave … Immigration, Corbynmania, the EU, and Chronic flatulence.
2) No dogs, vaping, flip flops, pony tails, tattoos, swearing, or spitting.
3) No gaming, especially dominoes, shove ha’penny, or laptops (except for those that are known to Trudy personally).
Special attraction … for one night only! Nurse Nightingale will be on hand to give advice on how best to combat a variety of ailments from writer’s cramp to RPI. (After 10 p.m. and by appointment only) … Book on arrival.
For problems of a personal nature, small pots of a soothing balm can be obtained free of charge from the barman. (Disposable applicators available).
Space will be at a premium tonight so please arrive early.
The first three through the doors will get a free drink, a lemon sherbert, and a seat.